Where have I been?

It has been awhile since I felt like I truly had time to invest and dedicate to this blog but I am so happy to announce that Greg and I are expecting a little boy in March. Our journey to get our little man was not easy and its something I’ve struggled with if I want to address or not but I realized the more people talk about struggling to get pregnant the better those who are dealing with it feel. So here is our journey to baby Regan.

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Greg and I knew we wanted to start a family as soon as we got married.It was something we had discussed since early on in our relationship and we both assumed it would come easily. We decided to start trying as soon as we got married and two of my best friends decided to start trying around the same time as well. How fun to all be pregnant at the same time right? Well August and September came and went and no baby was in sight. Still I was not concerned.

Then the fall came and I started getting a little worried. I was constantly doing research and the percentages weren’t great for couples who tried 3 months and did not conceive but still I did my best to stay calm. We bought our first house and I got preoccupied with making our house into a home and for anyone who has every gone through the home buying process you know how crazy stressful that can be so I thought stress was playing a role. Around this same time is when my sister and best friend learned they were pregnant. Of course, I was over the moon for both of them but I was sad that I was being left behind. I prayed every single night for a baby and started doing research on fertility boosting diets.

December and January came and still no baby. I honestly can say every single time my period came my heart broke all over again. Greg was incredible supportive and reassuring but I started to wonder if I would ever be able to get pregnant and something inside of me told me something was off. I just had a gut feeling there was some underlying issue.

In February we decided it was time to see my doctor and hopefully get some answers. I made an appointment for March. I’ve never been so scared but my doctor promised Greg and I would get our very own baby no matter what it took. We started on the medication Clomid. For once, I couldn’t wait for my period to come so we could get this baby thing going.In April, we went in for our first ultrasound to make sure my body was ovulating and producing eggs and that was one of my worst days. I was really excited because I just knew we were going to see tons and tons of follicles and one of those little follicles was going to become our baby. Greg was there and he was just as eager. We sat down and we saw 1 on my right side but the ultrasound tech was concerned.She is such an angel and was so kind to me but she informed us that I I had 2 cyst on my left ovary. I burst into tears. I hated my body in that moment. The cyst are suspected to be dermoid cyst but they needed to have the doctor review it to be sure. They are benign and can be made up of various types of cells from hair to skin to teeth. We can’t remove them because that would put my let ovary at risk for damage. Basically, I was working with a handicap ovary on one side and my right side was not exactly an All Star.

So after we discovered my two evil twins growing inside of me we continued with the doctor’s orders and I took my medicine as directed. May came and nothing again. The most heartbreaking moment of that month for me was watching my sweet husband blow out his birthday candles and tears well up in his eyes. I knew he was wishing for a baby and I felt helpless because I literally could not do anything. I felt like a failure as a wife.

In June, I was at my wits end and honestly just decided to let it all go. I prayed to God and said if this is what you want for us then you take over because this load is too heavy for me to bare anymore. I also started doing some totally off the wall things to enhance our chances of getting pregnant which I will share in a later post. They may seem silly but anything I could do made me feel better. Greg and I had a wonderful rest of our summer and finally just enjoyed being married. We stopped focusing on starting a family and shifted our focus to our marriage. We still both prayed for a baby but we decided to leave it to God.

July came and on July 4th something told me I shouldn’t drink a beer. A week later we went to Charleston for my mom’s birthday and I was late. I’m talking 7 days late but still I didn’t want to get to excited. I told my mom and my sister I was late and I could see the gleam in my mom’s eyes.Greg and I said we would wait until Wednesday and take a test. Well Tuesday came and I couldn’t wait to take a test. So Greg came home and I did the deed. We sat the stick on our bathroom counter and started the timer. We stared at each other for those 2 minutes that felt like forever. I made Greg look at the stick and he got a huge smile. I burst into tears and have never hugged him more tightly. I immediately thanked God and I’ve not stopped thanking him. I never thought I would get to see a positive test so I was shocked. I was in disbelief for awhile and it honestly felt like a dream. I had a sweet baby growing inside of me.

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I plan to post about each trimester along the way but I felt it was important to address our journey first. Most of the time all we see if the mom and her newborn but we don’t see the struggle that may of taken place for her to get that sweet baby. For years, I thought not being able to get pregnant was not something that happened to healthy young women but the more I talked about it the more I realized other women my age are dealing with this as well and its nothing to be ashamed of. When you are in the middle of trying to get pregnant it hurts like hell y’all. It hurts, its hard and its not pretty. It changes you forever. If you are in the middle of that journey please know I am here cheering for you and praying for you.

I will be posting the fertility diet I was following as well as the off the wall things I tried and y’all they were different.In case you can’t tell I’m a big fan of Eastern and Western medicine coming together. I also plan to go back and so a recap of each trimester in the coming weeks. I’m so excited to share this journey with you!